June 27, 2017

One month down and infinite to follow.

30 days of distance from when my father transitioned to a different world and changed mine forever. The stretch feels so close and yet so far away. The gap has been filled with countless moments of lurching to the bed, ugly cries, and also complete avoidance for the fear that anything could trigger a meltdown. Grief is personal, grief is difficult, and grief is a ticking time-bomb. 

Some days I want to jump out of bed and conquer the world and other days I want to tangle in the sheets and hide under the covers. There are days when I am so grateful for the time I had with him and the gratitude feels like enough and there are other days when it never feels like enough. Nothing ever feels like enough. 


another dose,

I slipped in when you slipped out.

Cardiac arrest so arresting,

trying to find my beat can be testing.